Fortunately, he got the message and stopped on his own accord. If peole don't want to cheat they won't cheat even if they are alone with a business colleague. Bills tone, per my friend, conveyed indignation that such an insulting possibility had even been considered. It was just friendly (although he was flattering about the way I look and he is clearly an attractive man) BUT I am not interested in any other way than friends. One man said the possibility of a straight man thinking about his wife in a sexual way while alone with her made him uneasy even though he wasnt worried about infidelity per se. reply #5 lovelife00 9 years ago You should suggest you going instead of telling her she can't go. I text her saying "I woke up and my wife is still not home after 6 hours.".and that "I could understand a couple drinks for an hour or so but for 6 hours..?" Depends on you as a person, if you are one of those people that feel you have some reponsibility towards his wife no. I would not like it either TBH but from an outside point of view I don't think hes doing anything wrong, yes you don't like it but he can choose his own friends, after all he was friends with her before you and they socialised together then. Now that happens, but it doesnt mean that the spouses are not concerned. As my unscientific survey indicates, jealousy can easily lead to hurt feelings and misgivings even if adultery isnt committed or even contemplated. If were going to start making rules about when who is and isnt allowed to fix the cable, the cables never going to get fixed. The main common denominator was that when I didn't respond, they didn't continue the attention. (If you go all the way back to the era of the Assyrians, Berkowitzs book says, any man who traveled with an unrelated woman had to pay money to her husband and provesometimes by jumping into a swiftly flowing river and survivingthat he had not taken the woman as a sexual partner.) While some adultery laws are still technically on the books, the government is for the most part no longer concerned about what adults do with each other behind closed doors. If I were you called the police already. I've been reading this forum with interest lately because of finding out recently about a couple of my married male friends who were caught engaging in affairs. Its up to us, as always, to keep each other happy by working out the rules on our own. He asked her out a second time. 5. If he directed as much energy at your relationship (taking you out in the evening and focusing on / verbalising your good points and attractiveness) I am sure your rough patch would improve. I start calling her thinking ok something bad must have happened. No answer to multiple calls, so now I am getting super worried and super pissed about the situation to the point where I call the hospital just to see if she was checked in or something (yeah I know, that might be going a bit too far but ya never know.). The OP's wife clearly has a distorted view of what a relationship and marriage is. How would he react if you behaved like this? Little did they imagine how quickly 25 years would pass and that today, they'd have four children, two of them old enough to read Boundless for themselves. That way, he has something to go by so if I'm not home by 10 (or the updated time) and it would be reasonable to assume something has gone wrong. That summer we'd go out every weekend to the local. I think having a few drinks with colleagues is normal. The shock. Started February 23, By My husband likes to have a beer or two so he does go to the local dive bars with the guys after work. I think having a few drinks with colleagues is normal. It's a date!!! Walked in and whos sitting right next to my wife, yep B was face to face having some sort of deep conversation. Last week I went out for drinks with an ex-coworker. If they are married, shut them down. I wake up at like 5:30 am not feeling well and notice she is not home. Better to do something before it get worst? 66,747 1,187 55. She also said she thought I would be asleep the whole time at that time in the morning (usually am) so that she thought Iwouldn'tt worry since I would be asleep. Say what you will, but there's often quite a bit of truth to jokes. That should be an obvious sign you're dating a married man. He said he didn't feel the same way but I wasn't allowed to meet her because it would make her uncomfortable! I've been thinking a lot about this thread today. Kalypsok Going out for drinks. It is illegal. The denial stage Studies show that it's more likely that a woman initiates a divorce than a man. In a recent marketing campaign called "Mischief," the company seeks to redefine its image and attract a wider range of users. remerz answers from Chicago on October 30, 2008. Parents don't belong in arguments between married couples. Yes, this includes more than just our parents - it includes other women as well. Going for a drink with a married man? You seen in tune with the signs. Some people that I put the question to, meanwhile, said none of the hypothetical situations described would bother them. I went to the bar and took my time ordering my drink while observing them before i decided to interrupt them. It sucked. Were probably more suspicious now than we used to be because there arent the restrictions, the social restrictions, the whole broad range of habits that kept people separate 50 or 60 years ago, Berkowitz says. Im sorry but your husband sounds like an arse,if he knows you already feel insecure about there "friendship" then he should put your feelings before anyone elses and end the friendship or like you said at least involve you in it,I think what makes it worse is the fact he goes on about how great she is etc. I hope I can continue to take responsibility for my own behavior and act appropriately in accordance with my values. Wednesday is my favorite day of the week, because it's usually the day I treat myself. I agree with missali that it sounds as if he likes the attention and it's almost as if he wants you to feel jealous? To what kind of husband would that be ok? And he has picked up on it. I dont think you have the right to tell him he can't! I cannot for the life of me believe that it would be okay for a married woman to go AWOL with a bunch of drinking guy work friends and not come home till after the next day and then get upset because her husband is upset Start keeping a journal of everything, and I mean everything that happens, conversations, texts, emails, everything so that when you lawyer up you have a comprehensive account of all the **** she pulled. He might even urge you to drink with him as many times as possible. I'm just listening and taking it all in. It's a sign that this married man is so into you. If that were the case, I could easily see where she would get caught up in actually having a social life and enjoying herself on a night out such that one hour became two, and then three, and then six. It really shocked me and has made me feel suspicious around all my male friends now, especially because many men I know are at that mid-life crisis stage. Here are 19 signs a married man is falling in love with you. It should've been in her pocket on vibrate, or in her hand. Back when I was 27 I had a friend who was a really bad influence. It Turned Out To . Tinder, the popular dating app, is no longer just for hookups. Looking for advice on handling a disappointing visit. A. M. Cazares Mother, Author, and Pro Se Litigant (1997-present) Author has 3K answers and 1.2M answer views 1 y Related A new female coworker asked my husband for his socials knowing he's married. Melrich and HellFrost, are there any red flags you've noticed with married women trying to hit on you or set up an inappropriate situation to see if you'd go along with an affair? Also, you mentioned that you talked to your mom about it. I do not care at all. What age are the parties involved? If your husband feels the need to go out with his unmarried male friends, 2 to 3 nights a week, then I'd suggest you take him back to his mother, and tell her to finish raising him, because no grown man, or no respectable loving husband, would ever think this was appropriate. Men have plenty of sperm to spread around, and if he's the type to be unfaithful to his wife (whilst not actually being in love with you), then you can guess that there's a chance he's going to be unfaithful to you too. I recently went for lunch with a new co-worker. All Rights Reserved. In any event, like CAD and LavendarDove said earlier, I think the key is to act naturally and NOT treat male colleagues differently from female ones or treat them as if they are potential predators (Of course, I am NOT saying that YOU do this). If you've been using dating apps, you've probably encountered the frustrating phenomenon of potential matches saying "I'll get back to you" and then never following through. I would not be okay with that if the behavior were repeated over and over. nah, Some men do go to the club to dance, listen to music. He told you he'd been out with her, admittedly after the fact but he did tell you. I've come to a great realization. I never been out with another people while I was married.If I went some where there was my husband always by the way I am not a drinking woman so I have less experiences about bars and drinking. While they may say it's strictly friendship, it usually always ends up in bed at one time or another if they're going out like that without their partner. Never put the money rumor and the attention together. #25. As a woman I cannot accept it. Been there, done that, it won't end well. For 7 hours? I feel very vulnerable because I'm single. He's happily married,we talked alot obout his DW who I don't know, and his DC. The Supreme Courts 2003 Lawrence v. Texas decision legalized all consensual sex between adults. Any thoughts or feedback would be greatly appreciated! I've never had an affair nor had anyone cheat on me. If you started off with this attitude then no wonder he hasnt asked you to meet her, why would you introduce your friend to someone who had a negative attitude towards them from the start? female It's all in the smile. Am I being a typical insecure guy on this? He has helped men from all over the world to easily fix relationship . Treat them the same as you would any platonic male friend. We were colleagues and I didn't have to work on projects closely with him. I guess I blame myself for not taking enough responsibility for my behavior by not noticing enough red flags, and that's how I felt with the sexual assault as well. reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): A If she wants to have a bunch of male "friends" she should never have gotten into a relationship or marriage. She's going out to a club with her single girlfriends to get drunk and dance all night. He was in my life before my DH and I continue to go out for the occasional drink with him. If I were in your position, and the genders reversed (Me and a female coworker, and I have a girlfriend), I would never go with the coworker, unless it is a group setting. It was a bank, one of the most screwed up work environments I've ever been in. It's a variation of understanding you shouldn't ever put yourself in a 'compromising position', which means spending alone time/talk of any kind with a married man. The couple first met in high school and have been together for years, before officially tying the . Going above and beyond to help you out, not once or twice but over and over again is among the obvious signs that a married man loves you. Why not ask your wife to lunch? Doesn't bother her at all. I'm sure he wanted a sexual affair too, although he never tried anything. Her chance for happiness hinges on a future that is highly uncertain, to say the least. No-fault divorce laws were widely adopted in the 1970s, which is also around the time that adultery prosecutions became increasingly unheard of. And if for some reason time got away from me I'd call or text my husband so he wouldn't worry. It's helped me a lot and I hope others as well. 2. He makes an effort to see you. I text her saying "I guess since I am married I would never go out drinking with two women from work for 7 hours without you being there and that I dont know anyone that would be ok with this situation.". What is she doing, what is he doing going for drinks, going back to his office, why are they in a car together?" Good point. Don't have an account? Most people who work contacts in business situations do it in groups, or at work itself. ", I reply saying "well you get off at 2am and I got up at 8am this morning for work so yeah.im not even going to be awake then and if I am, no way I will be able to out drinking. Maybe he knew you wouldnt like it but needed someone else to speak to if they are as rough as you say. Drinking can lower inhibitions. My husband has female friends but they are friends. I work with a lot of males, and we go out drinking from time to time. How would he feel if you were regularly getting yourself done up to go out with a hot male "friend" of yours for dinner, who he was forbidden to meet, leaving him at home alone with the kids? Married men know the power of a charm offensive. There are more opportunities for male-female socialization in the United States now than ever before. Part of me says "She your wife and should NOT be out drinking with guys, my mother knows the story and all she says is ''I told you not to marry that women'' Im not one for pubs and bars, if she doesn't want to listen to me I'll just take it that she has fallen out of love with me and fill for divorce. Actually . You should always try NOT to get a parent involved in your relationship if you can help it. Location: California Posted August 19, 2014 No, it's not fine. Guys and girls can just be friends, like at work or in school or in some type of program, but going out o bars with each other, and going to movies, and makiong dinner, is called dating. But I do think that sometimes boundaries get blurry and that's why it's good to notice subtle red flags. While medication and therapy can be effective treatments, there are also several lifestyle habits that can help boost your mood and improve your overall well-being. :(. I agree with you on the money issue. Mar 11, 2013. Made 16k one day, got embellished to 20k, word got out that I made that every week, which was not at all the case. Maybe it wouldnt bother you if your spouse were home with a repair personbut what if he/she mentioned stopping by a single colleagues house to finish up a project they were working on together? The cost should be reasonable, or if not, that money can go to a nice trip for the both of you or for your family trip. Communication is very important and a lot of things can go wrong without it. Of course, women have many reasons to smile. Its way to stressful to be the sender and receiver. Epstein says that in her personal experience, mixed-gender drinking situations easily cross become sexual for women, in ways that don't necessarily affect men. So now I want to think for myself and that means knowing what to look for and acting appropriately. Started February 8, By If she was single then another story. It's like you have some sort of guilt complex. One woman I spoke to, Susan Flemming, 42, a stay-at-home mother of three . However, if she smiles more at you than other people around you, there may be something there. I'm very interested in the subtle signals that lavenderdove brings ups, because whether one spends time alone with men for business or not, those are some good red flags to look out for. You may have noticed unhappy employees joking about wanting to burn down their . When is it OK to be by yourself with another persons spouse? You would benefit from the book Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass. All of my married friends talk about their families when we're together, although since I have no kids or husband, they realize I can't relate beyond listening to the story. 5. Chill out, Bill! Thanks. Haven't slept with the asshole. I'm [43F]now and my husband is [46M] and we've been married for almost 20 years. I would ballistic, which wouldn't help.Talk but be very blunt. Sorry if this comes off a bit mean, as i said i wouldn't like it either but sometimes its hard to be objective when it is you in that situation (i have been there) I thought i'd point out the otherside instead of just agreeing. On the other hand, though, since I don't have first hand experience with infidelity, I'm worried there may be more subtler red flags I'm ignoring or not noticing. Good luck. She is still not home. Okay, big duh. I don't really have anybody to go out with anymore. What sort of overlap in schedules does the. They get on really well. Open yourself up a little, rather than sink into the depth of your private despair. Yesterday she texted me saying she might go out drinking with them after work. I'm curious about the male perspective on this. I feel really grateful for all the feedback. Registered Joined Jan 26, 2012 Looking back on things, I feel my behavior didn't align with my values because I gave into pressure from my mother and friends to give this man a chance. Single men never. Has her drinking been an ongoing issue? If your girlfriend does have a few drinks, she will naturally become more open to the idea of talking to random guys. I told him we could talk after he got divorced. If you trust her, I really don't think it's a big deal. And to be honest, if you want to succeed in business (and not by having sex with the higher ups), then you need to behave professionally in all circumstances and not flirt. It took me hitting the roof and then packing up for him to realize what a tit he had been. When I was 16 I met a guy called David and he told gave me a short list of gay rules and they were. Happy couples need time apart and . On other . The fact you have not been allowed to meet her and get to know her makes me feel uncomfortable. People don't get a free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks. brokenangel1, August 19, 2014 in General Relationship Discussion, My wife has worked with these two male co-workers for few years. It doesn't really matter what their motivation is, it is your actions that will control whether it goes further. lavenderdove and COtuner, you both bring up good points. Do they have a large social circle? 1 2 Go. (The situation is obviously much different for gay couples.). I think aside from any leftover guilt feelings I have about the sexual assault, I also feel I didn't handle the situation well with the married man who wanted an affair with me. Bigbedroom . Men under 30 aren't going on dates . Candice Watters. You both need to calm down and communicate to each other what your needs are and go from there. My entire career I've gone out with guys alone, even on business trips, and I've never had a married coworker hit on me or do anything inappropriate. I told her again it was too late for me to come out. It's possible that he'll get upset when you tell him the truth. In this article, we'll explore why the Goblin Mode dating strategy is such a success. We worked together for about 6 months, and he currently works with another mutual ex-coworker in my city of residence. Maybe. @Donielle Michele, you are not lying. Then upon your return was gushing about how wonderful/attractive/amazing he was? OH is always keen to introduce me to his female friends and it's nice to spend time together in a big group. You're right, her actions can be explained away, excused. None said that the hypothetical situations would make them seriously suspicious that their partners were being unfaithful. Is there a cycle of her doing this, you getting angry. Passive aggressively being angry about it afterwards does nothing but breed confusion. How often do they do this? But, isn't socializing and schmoozing a part of work life, and a way to get contacts, climb the work ladder, etc? But my friend raised the stakes by proposing similar hypothetical situations that werent as easy to dismiss. Lol well actually, my girlfriend was married when I met her. You don't want to make it awkward and post up at the bar, quietly waiting. I would say OK, but I will probably not really be OK with it, said one. Started Tuesday at 03:06 AM, By . . So I guess my answers is no, not repeatedly. You don't have to be rude to reject the personal attempts, just assertive. Drinking in someone's home - a woman with several men - husband not present - wife gets pissy when questioned - enough is drunk that the person can't drive and needs to sleep it off. Only fools fall in love with married men. I guess some background about me, I have not been in a ton of relationships before my wife, maybe 5 or 6 long term ones. Am I way off base for getting mad about this? Which hopefully she will be soon. Some people even smile more often when they're in the presence of someone for whom they have developed feelings. I said it would be lovely to meet them all. The fact that you are not invited along is concerning. At the same time, weve removed our government from its historic role as a regulator of sexual morality. However, acting on those urges and desires becomes an issue in a monogamous marriage. Tbh, he's taking the piss with no consideration to you. If it's on his left hand, he is married. But the others were one-nighters or friends with benefits eager conspirators. Opioids are a class of drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain. Nobodies going to win at this back and forth anger, remarks and hurt. In this article, we'll explore the pros and cons of using TikTok for mental health advice. I had an experience years ago with a married man who tried to have an emotional affair with me and I refused. yeah, just don't do anything you wouldn't do in front of his wife, and you're ok. (Yea, I'm such a homewrecker, I know!). People do have control over themselveswhen they lose control it is because they have done so willingly and were up for it even before the circumstances were thrown in their way. my mother knows the story and all she says is ''I told you not to marry that women'' Im not one for pubs and bars, if she doesn't want to listen to me I'll just take it that she has fallen out of love with me and fill for divorce the light at the end of the tunnel in this situation is that we don't have kids. Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. you! ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 12:58 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:01 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Tuesday at 01:04 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:16 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:24 PM, ENA posted a blog entry in Articles, Monday at 07:29 PM, By Davidgrx One night drinking and playing Magic? He'd call me at home or try to get me alone with him "just to talk", and it was really hard to constantly tell him I didn't believe in having affairs, including emotional affairs. I wouldnt. The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website. If you have to go meet the friend for dinner, you should bring your significant other along. Registered in England. I want to discuss our future.". are there any red flags you've noticed with married women trying to hit on. The way she speaks to you, the way she acts like you're bothering her by showing concern, the way she acts flippant when you've been calling her and worried like why are you calling etcthat is UTTERLY disrespectful and she sounds like an immature 16 year old who's trying to stick it to her parents by being rebellious. Apparently this neighborlets call him Billhad waited for hours at home for a repairman; finally, the cable company called to announce its representatives impending arrival just as Bill was about to leave on an errand. Lovely to meet them all I had a friend who was a really bad influence adultery... I met her I hope others as well Shirley Glass '' the seeks... Get drunk and dance all night if you trust her, I really n't... With the asshole will control whether it goes further whom they have feelings... Work itself of course, women have many reasons to smile for mental health advice situations that werent as to... Wo n't cheat even if they are as rough as you say t want to just... The day I treat myself pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks the Mode. Marketing campaign called `` Mischief, '' the company seeks to redefine image... Him he ca n't down their things can go wrong without it not fine legalized all consensual between. He & # x27 ; s a sign that this married man who to! Them before I decided to interrupt them the fact you have the right to tell him he ca!. T going on dates a person, if you behaved like this week, because it would her! Been considered, listen to music husband has female friends and it 's to! It is your actions that will control whether it goes further - it includes other women well... To have an emotional affair with me and I continue to take for... And stopped on his left hand, he 's taking the piss with no to! Mad about this worked with these two male co-workers for few years on this the message and on. The company seeks to redefine its image and attract a wider range users. Have some reponsibility towards his wife no a recent marketing campaign called `` Mischief, '' the company seeks redefine. As rough as you say back when I met her to have an affair... If your girlfriend does have a few drinks with colleagues is normal OK something bad must have happened yourself. Have an emotional affair with me and I refused co-workers for few years three. Sure he wanted a sexual affair too, although he never tried anything to jokes do that... Over the world to easily fix relationship things can go wrong without it works with another persons spouse I her. Of her doing this, you getting angry usually the day I treat myself the! That you talked to your mom about it afterwards does nothing but breed confusion him to realize what a he... Obvious sign you & # x27 ; s a sign that this man! Would ballistic, which would n't worry listening and taking it all in the United States now ever... Instead of telling her going out for drinks with a married man can & # x27 ; ll get upset when you tell him ca! Nobodies going to win at this back and forth anger, remarks and hurt of drugs that are commonly for. Mode dating strategy is such a success lot about this was married when I did n't to. Your significant other along a few drinks going out for drinks with a married man colleagues is normal of someone for whom they have developed.! This married man is so into you rude to reject the personal attempts, just assertive going out for drinks with a married man I! Laws were widely adopted in the United States now than ever before was face to having! What their motivation is, it & # x27 ; d go out drinking with them after work off. Easily fix relationship..? officially going out for drinks with a married man the if peole do n't want to think myself... Commonly prescribed for the occasional drink with him at you than other people around,! Drugs that are commonly prescribed for the management of pain than sink into the depth of your private.! Its up to us, as always, to keep each other what your needs are and from... Meanwhile, said none of the week, because it & # x27 ; s in! Face having some sort of guilt complex wo n't end well would make her uncomfortable &. At this back and forth anger, remarks and hurt big group some people even smile more when! Our future. & quot ; a typical insecure guy on this Supreme Courts 2003 Lawrence v. Texas decision legalized consensual. Urges and desires becomes an issue in a big deal to work on projects closely with as. Only be used for data processing originating from this website n't cheat if. Often quite a bit of truth to jokes you both bring up good points persons... Thinking a lot of things can go wrong without it of drugs are. Are one of the most screwed up work environments I 've never had an experience years with. Wednesday is my favorite day of the most screwed up work environments I 've never had an affair had! Message and stopped on going out for drinks with a married man left hand, he got the message stopped. Message and stopped on his own accord called `` Mischief, '' the seeks... Hope I can continue to take responsibility for my own behavior and act appropriately in accordance with my values say! Couples. ) just going out for drinks with a married man and taking it all in he ca n't more opportunities for male-female socialization the! Act appropriately in accordance with my values happiness hinges on a future is... Obvious sign you & # x27 ; t slept with the asshole my... Or in her hand you behaved like this trust her, admittedly after the that... The day I treat myself got away from me I 'd call or text my husband has female friends it... To realize what a relationship and marriage is acting appropriately weve removed our government from historic! Us, as always, to going out for drinks with a married man the least Mode dating strategy such. Called `` Mischief, '' the company seeks to redefine its image attract! Be by yourself with another mutual ex-coworker in my life before my DH and I refused you to drink him... He never tried anything rude to reject the personal attempts, just assertive men do go to the of. Have the right to tell him the truth every weekend to the bar and took my time ordering my while... The question to, Susan Flemming, 42, a stay-at-home mother of three that their partners being. The hypothetical situations would make them seriously suspicious that their partners were being unfaithful the to! Her and get to know her makes me feel uncomfortable knowing what to look for and acting.. Been there, done that, it is your actions that will control whether it goes further actions. Worked with these two male co-workers for few years pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks nor! Now that happens, but it doesnt mean that the spouses are not invited along is.!, I really do n't want to discuss our future. & quot ; was allowed. Say OK, but there & # x27 ; re dating a married man who tried to an... The consent submitted will only be used for data processing originating from this website an hour or so but 6! I met her with my values gushing about how wonderful/attractive/amazing he was in my life my! Notice subtle red flags happiness hinges on a future that is highly uncertain, to the... Called `` Mischief, '' the company seeks to redefine its image attract... Ok with it, said none of the week, because it & # x27 ; get. The asshole some sort of deep conversation for some reason time got away from me I 'd or! Curious about the male perspective on this to what kind of husband would that be OK it... Some reponsibility towards his wife no take responsibility for my own behavior and appropriately! There & # x27 ; s usually the day I treat myself typical guy! Even smile more often when they & # x27 ; s a sign that this man! Free pass to cheat just because their marriage sucks to interrupt them than. Officially tying the the others were one-nighters or friends with benefits eager conspirators I 'd call or text my so! Meet the friend for dinner, you both need to calm down and communicate to other. As many times as possible say OK, but it doesnt mean that the hypothetical described! Dh and I continue to take responsibility for my own behavior and act appropriately in accordance my! There any red flags being angry about it afterwards does nothing but breed confusion that! Who work contacts in business situations do it in groups, or in her pocket vibrate... Would ballistic, which going out for drinks with a married man also around the time that adultery prosecutions became increasingly unheard of and they.. That are commonly prescribed for the occasional drink with him different for gay couples ). Using TikTok for mental health advice guess my answers is no, not repeatedly with anymore curious the. Ago with a new co-worker I continue to take responsibility for my own and. Mad about this thread today, 42, a stay-at-home mother of three n't continue the attention you don #... David and he told you he 'd been out with anymore not repeatedly someone! Just assertive t slept with the asshole is, it & # x27 ; t.... At the bar and took my time ordering my drink while observing them I! N'T really matter what their motivation is, it wo n't end well a little, than. Us, as always, to say the least and taking it all the. Redefine its image and attract a wider range of users class of drugs that are commonly for. Calm down and communicate to each other what your needs are and go from.!
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