I am worried my baby will have emotional problems in the future ? On weekends when where around my parents she wants nothing to do with me and just wants my parents. Please help me to know what is the problem? I have stopped taking leaves when my baby falls sick because my MIL is all that she needs and all that I end up doing is washing the diapers and cleaning the house,cooking. I just cant get the image of her red angry little face out of my mind. The earlier you start looking, the better. Reading all the comments I dont need to help but what I did come to the conclusion is to learn to LOVE unconditionally. but around the age of 8 or 9 months she just would prefer other peopleshe would go with anyoneI was hurt and devastated. I hope its just a phase. Sometimes I just want to give up and let her be. First of all, there is no such thing as permanently damaging the bond with a baby that early. Hi my 9 1/2 month old boy is with me all day since birth now daddy is home with me since he got laid off I do everything for him. Your daughter loves you pretty much more than anything in the world. Speak with Your Boss. I feel robbed of the moments that I didnt get to enjoy with him, she pushed to give him his first bath and has done so much as she says she is helping. I really am. Im Paula and you can read about this website and how it all started here. I have a 3 year old with whom I am going through a very same problem and I am having a really tough time with it. It does feel like all I am used for is food and diaper change. You can never get this time back. I think for young babies, being reminded of the other parent can be too painful to endure. Your girl is acting this way because she loves you and needs you, not the opposite! But all this can be easily changed! If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. I think this situation just happens with postpartum mothers and makes a lot of sense. Hi A lot of research has found the childs first 3 years to be the most important for bonding, so you still have a lot time. She should be proud to have raised such a loving mom. Its got to a point where I feel like everything is against me. I would lay down my life for my son without hesitation. Not a good feeling. He squirms out of my arms and nearly vaults himself into my husbands arms when my husband walks past us. Sometimes, even when shes just playing on the floor or walking along furniture, and Im just walking past her, she tries to run away from me. He will also frequently choose his dad over me. So everything stabilized for me. Just wanted to let you know that your experience is word-for-word like my experience with our little boy. this is just a phase. It breaks my heart when she cries and kicks when daddy leaves her alone with me. because everytime she turns away from me or will not smile at me i feel like my heart just breaks tears often threaten to spill. I'm very upset that she is rejecting the bottle. What more should I do, she doesnt even sleep in her cot cause I want her next to me during the night but still as soon as she wakes up and my mother comes in the room she wants to be with her! It kills me and its making me resent her so much. My son is 9 months old and , Ive always taken care of him feed, everything he needs Ive been by his side since we left the hospital, now that I moved to another state he doesnt call me momma anymore he calls it to his grandma he just doesnt seem to need me anymore . What a painful situation you are in! Please hang in there mommies and daddies. Im a stay at home mom and spend pretty much all my time with her. What the hell do you expect when you abandon your baby? He pushes me away tells me not to tell him I love him. However the last few days as he has been spending more time with his dad he starts to moan when we are together and nothing is good enough and he cries really badly when he is hungry. You are obviously there for your son. It did break my heart. In addition, you could leave a used t-shirt them, to be used for naptime, for example, so your smell is as familiar as possible. I then take her home and just when she starts to be happy with me, my husband comes home and I am nothing. what am i doing wrong Why doesnt he want me once he sees grandma shouldnt he want me know that Im mommy this is killing me please help me its making me depressed! Daycare has unleashed a side of his personality I never would have seen if he was home with me all of the time. she just stared at him from top to bottom, puzzled how come daddy is not in the TV (our tv screen connected to the laptop). My husbands dad invited us to go to Branson and get away before my Husband starts the engineering program at K-State. But the guilt you are feeling may very well delay the bonding. Double-check the milk What do you do when your 7 month old won't take a bottle? I have 11 month old baby and until 3 weeks ago I was 24 hours with him. I never had this difficulty with my older two children (now 6 and 3) and they both deeply love me and enjoy my company (even though I am the disciplinarian). my love for her isnt based on her feelings for meeven though reciprocation would be nice. I work full time and my one-year-old goes to daycare 3 days per week and stays at home with her dad 2 days per week. In fact, seems to be a little bit of a common trend in babies around this age. Please help! not just for school its changing his diper or feeding him foods he will not eat from me at all i dont know why? If she reaches for her dad or someone else, let her go without showing your pain. It is hard. One is of course that you and your wife need to start talking to each other on how to raise your child. It only means that she prefers her dad right now. then you can start looking and working forward instead of looking back. I think I made a huge mistake leaving her for 4 months I am also 6mths pregnant with our third and it is stealing the joy of having another baby. My boys are my life and i am so grateful that i am their mom! Sometimes I think having two woman caretakers might confuse her and therefore not recognize my role as a mother. What i am trying to say is dont u think that his granddad is trying his god damn hardest to take my farther figure away & take my bond away. We are all in the same boat, and seems what I thought was my bad parenting somehow. This hurts so much that I cant help but cry. And then a last piece of advice ask your mom to help you do the running around fixing things so that you can spend as much time as possible with your little girl. I wanted to say thank you to those who shared their stories and especially to those whose answers said what is more motherly than to UNCONDITIONALLY love their child, no matter what response they may be giving me. Its hard for me to deal with this feeling, but being sad about this hasnt helped at this point. its my first child n i love her lots cos it took long for me to have her . Play lots of games with your daughter. When we come home from work he just looks to his dad happily and seems like im not ther, it was so dissapointing and depressing. it is breaking my heart. i feel so usless at the moment, i have a 5 month old daughter who in my mind hates the bones of me, as soon as her dad wakes in the morning to go to work she screams the place down for at least 3 hours,i just cant do anything to calm her down, when i finally get her settled again i just find my self breaking down in tears infront of my 2 year old son, he gives me a big hug and tells me that he loves me, i feel like i am doing everything on my own, my partners mother only lives round the corner but she is as helpful as a glass hammer, she has my partners 2 sons from his ex partner every weekend but she wont do with my daughter, my parents help me as much as they can, but they also have jobs to do. I am glad I am not the only mother that felt that way when my baby is with his grandmother it feels likes that he doesnt need me and sometimes I feel like crying can someone tell me how to end this nightmare. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. :**(, Im pretty much going through what the girl with the 7 month old is going through and its my husbands mom too! Laura, Hi, i have a 18 months old baby girl that i love with all my life, i had to return back to work when she was 6 months, i am a single mother i live with my mom we agreed that she will stopped working to take care of my daughter, she is a preemie and had some complications. Im going to perservere and not let her see that she can control me in this way. They live in the moment and cannot cope with the longing, because they have no real sense of time. The child speaks to everyone on the phone but once she hears its her mother she goes hysterical. Each baby will react differently and in their own way, so it's good to try alternatives until you find the right fit. If she is with me then she walks a way the moment she hears or sees her grandma. I really dont know :-( hope it will change in future.. :-( A Big Hug goes to all those mummies and daddies who are in the same boat as me! Instead allow yourself to really enjoy your time with your daughter. Now we could see how confident our baby girl has turned out 2 be. Quick message to Laura- Also, because my job is very demanding, daddy gets up in the night if he cries. and youre doing the right thing. I felt so upset, My 18 month baby boy really likes his dad than me. Try to not show any hurt feelings if she goes to her grandma; she obviously isnt doing it to hurt you and may become quite confused if she can sense your irritation when it happens. When I travel, we try to do video webcam at least once in two days when possible to stay in touch. Things will get better. I was scared of her! We have tried EVERYTHING to get this baby to take a bottle. I can almost never get her to smile, and never can get her to laugh and squeal like dad. So here comes my last advice. You asked me specifically about whether it would be a good idea if your daughters dad would do mroe of the boring stuff with your daugther and not just you. She is the GRANDmother, not the mother. My son loves anyone who will pick him up and carry him around and he seems to truly miss mommy when Im not there. A scary thought! She is also my miracle child since I have a problem to conceive. Should I try to get my husband to do more of those things when possible, or will that just lessen the bond between my daughter and me even more?? But he just doesnt seem to need me. I feel like Im only good for her when she needs a diaper changed. I can see other parents are having similar problems, so maybe it is something she will grow out of in time. she cries alot wen i pick her back from wrk . Consider co-sleeping with her that way she will quickly learn how cozy it is to snuggle with you. Im a Dad, I work full time and Im home by 6pm most evenings. I sing endless versions of Wheels on the Bus, and a million other things. We dont know what happened while she was in the other state but I think she needs to have that bond with her mother. The wrong nipple was used and baby has become a little lazy. She also wont let me give her the bedtime bottle- she screams- it has to be done by Daddy. So, doing all these these boring things, like putting her to bed, diapering, eating and so on, really should be made as enjoyable as possible. Its my first baby and this hurts sooo much inside seeing it happen everyday. But during this next period, children no longer want to marry their parent of the opposite sex and parent of the same sex become a lot more important. Your little one will still be provided with consistent, loving care. My partner goes away and when I am on my own we have a perfect routine and daddy comes home, she hits me and pushes me away. And even after that, it is still entirely possible to bond. when i return,, i dont get to see that eagerness in my son to see me.. instead almost ignors me and spents his time with is aunt.. i dont even get a chance to be with him , play with him.. i feel very lonely unable to express my feelings towards my husband also.. nowadays he even sleeps with his aunt at night..i am not able to tolerate this anymore.. feeling light when i write this out openly.. hope that i would get adjusted to this situation.. afterall i cannot expect my son to change. Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. Adjusting to this new life will take time and you can't expect to nail it right out of the gate. You are likely to mean total security for your daughter and maybe she just knows that you are there for her, so that she doesnt really need to be with you when exciting (in her mind) dad is there. Im totally on the same boat as all of you(s)! It may be because she may be spoiled to the phase of a daddys girl, or it may be you. Let's look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! Then she goes back to not wanting me at all the next day. I have to try to remember that she is completely egocentric and has no awareness that I have feelings nevertheless I am finding myself in tears more often than not. Let's go for a stroll! Ive struggled with anxiety, depression, substance abuse, suicidality, anger and low self-esteem my entire life. Hi everyone, I breastfeed her and I handle 98% of all care for her. When my husband and I return from work (both at the same time) he always searches for his father and greets him with a big smile, as for me he ignores me completely and I am the one that plays with him most. I know shes only 6 months but shes not loving at all towards me..If i try to hug her and cuddle she pushes and screams and kicks, she would rather go to anyone but me.i treat her like an angel and I dont understand why she doesnt seem to love me.. Shes a really happy smiley baby. I am sure she wants the best for her daughter, i.e. It hurts to see my mother be the preferred one when I try just has hard to be noticed! But when she shows me something I tell her to show her mommy, and guess what, she shows me it again. First of all, I totally understand that your daughter mainly wanting you is very painful for her mom and it is considerate of you to try to help fix the situation. Im in need of some help here. And be there when they come back. But sometimes it seems like I dont even compare to Grandma!! Fertility benefits increase loyalty, productivity, and fulfillment. Heartbreaking! I was born to an ignorant mother who failed to nurture me. Sep. 5, 2016. oh, my daughter is almost 7 months. That was quite hard, when I was feeling like I was being rejected and that I was doing something wrong. 7) Be patient with yourselfat home and at work. Sorry & also o forgot to put in that script is that everything we buy our son they have to go & buy the better 1. for Christmas this year we have got him an elmo live which is a interactive toy so they said or well we will get him the big foot live then but why does he need 2 interactive toys it just seems like competition 2. Or maybe it is related still not your fault. These little fellows are learning that they are separate persons from mom, which they didnt know before and they find it very scary. And take the opportunity to do something for yourself while he is playing with grandma. Lets look at why a baby rejects mom after going back to work, and some helpful tips on what to do about it! thanks for listening to my views. And when I get her home she ignores me. Sigh. But lately, she has just got more & more attached to daddy.and doesnt want me to hold her to sleep at night. She is almost 10 months old. And 4those who is far away, utilize whatever technology available 2 you 2 stay in touch to you little ones. If someone can take care of your older child now and then; have some fun together, just you and him. I am really concerned with my family in the way how my daughter prefers only me when I am around. A massage, a warm bath, movie night with your partner: a little downtime goes a long way. But my 14month old is obsessed with his dad and it totally kills me. I try so hard singing songs, playing games etc, but it seems to make no difference. i feel sad and discouraged i know that i shouldnt show it to her.. but i often wonder where i went wrong. It may take a few tries for that method to work. My baby was very attached to me but now she doesnt love me at all, she only wants my mother, she even calls her mama and she doesnt call me anything, she only wants to be with her , when she is sick or not sick, when she is sleepy etc She cries when my mom goes out and when my mom comes home she gets very happy and runs to her, i have cried every night for the past 2 weeks it hurts me so bad to see her not loving me, on the weekends i go out with her alone trying to spend more time with her, but its doesnt work at all!!!! I play with him when all I want to do watch TV or take some time to myself. Or that babies dont do that. One is of course that it will bring baby and dad closer, which is probably not something you see as important right now, but in the long run, being close to both parent is optimal. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. I just wanted to tell the parents here that this has nothing to do with your work or parenting style. Maybe cuddle up the three of you in her bed for a little story or lullaby? But then therell be these random times in between where she wants only me, like the other night when we went to dinnergrammy, 2 grampas, and daddy were all there, and she cried when she went to any of them and cried and reached for me. My gal is nw 8 1/2 mths . And yes, I think that would be great for many reasons. There are a few things you should have on your list during the discussion: Hi i have been a stay at home mom since my 3 year old was born, but now my 17 month old son seems to not want me or love me. (he sees his dad often) He used to like grandma and grandpa but now its just his dad. I feel very bad. My son is fine with me round anyone else. Skin contact is great for bonding. If this board is any indication it happens quite a bit. 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