husband doesn t want to go on family vacationhow did bryan cranston lose his fingers
And yeah, they probably need some counseling, and people often start off with Marriage counseling before moving on to individual counseling *on advice of their counselor*! In fact, couples counseling can be a useful path to helping a partner address individual issues that are affecting the partnership. OPs husband sounds like my mom. And Hunter Thompson and Oscar Acosta are dead anyway. The letter writer husband is waving some pretty sizable red flags. Working Wife, I truly dont know what your marriage is. Many people we know (work, friends, sometimes family) just cant wrap their head around the fact that we dont need to be joined at the hip 24/7 and that were not jealous. Its not you I dont trust, its other people.. Or his response could give her more information about what is really on her husbands mind. And LWs husband doesnt get to veto business trips, either. I did a few Vegas-y things, but mostly I found really interesting things to do while not working. There doesnt seem to be a whole lot of recognition of either here. Vegas is not somewhere Id vacation, but conferences there are very smooth and convenient. 33 answers. He needs to manage his insecurities and not force them all on you and your career. And then a few answers like well, I wouldnt exactly be happy and yes, Jane needs nine hours of sleep every night and Id really miss her can be heard as my friends wouldnt like it either. From there, LWs husband might turn even one joking Id tell her she had to stay home, they cant make her go into I asked my friends, and they wouldnt let their wives do that, and might not even realize that this wasnt what all of his friends thought or how their marriages work. This giant conference centers attached to hotels are a dime a dozen in Vegas, tons of flights from everywhere around the country go to Vegas and there are always deals on those flights, it just honestly makes sense to plan conferences and business trips to Vegas, especially if theyre for very large events. Does he take this incredibly low view of your character whenever youre apart from him, or is that just a terrible assumption he makes about you when you travel to Vegas? Meaning they side with the wife on this one. but it was the backbone of learning to manage anxiety. But, because of Vegass layout & security, those places are no where near the big hotels/conference centers. That doesnt strike me as weird at all. Me: What did you say? I thought my mom was the only one like this. Many commenters are acting as though the husband made up this poll of people (everyone) to agree with him, which is not what she wrote or what happened. Thats not how this works!! But honestly? So, later this year I am going on a two-week hiking trip with a couple of friends one of whom is a man, even! That actually happened to my parents! I think that makes all the difference hereOP doesnt just have a grinding job. You cant expect someone with a broken leg to ski down a mountain; you cant expect someone in an irrational state of fear to behave in a reasonable manner *in the moment*. Youd have to make an effort to get kidnapped, I think. This absolutely doesnt make the response of OPs husband right in any sense, but figuring out why they are feeling like this can be helpful and can help figure out where to go from there. Thats kind of hilarious because my ex was super upset the first time I went to Utah (current spouses family lives there), because he thought Id let our daughter be kidnapped by polygamists. I thought it was supposed to be would NEVER let their significant others go. Its the kind of autocorrect my phone makes; even/never. Either way, the poster is mimicking them in an exaggerated way in order to make them appear more foolish and unreasonable than they would if portrayed accurately. I'm kind of dreading it because my infant hates the car and my 2 year old is not the sitting type. And you will regret it even more if your marriage ends and you put yourself in a worse position just to appease irrational fears. But no gambling! Its just unacceptable. Why he wants to go alone. One suggestion is to be sure that any connection you two have while youre on the trip is done in private. This makes a lot of sense, and I think its a good strategy. Agreed. Because thats the only possible response to that stunt. I got sent there about a year and a half ago and I was thrilled (and my husband was happy for me). as an excuse for his angst. Thank you so much for your response! Whether anxiety is a contributing factor or not, thats all it is. At work? Forget $200, I once needed to add a night to my reservation at the Rio last minute.it was $20. AND that a little drinking and dancing and playing roulette (pick your game), or even a LOT of drinking and dancing and playing roulette, which is what many people do is Las Vegas, is not a particularly scandalous thing to many people. You need to do this to protect your relationship, because frequent anger is corrosive and damaging. All rights reserved. I am the main provider in our home, and it angers me that it seems he wants to sabotage my job because of his insecurities. We actually started in couples counseling and it was working through that process that convinced him to go to individual counseling and go on medication. and my husbands main reaction has been I hope you have a great time, and Im glad you are not trying to get me to go too. OPs husbands friends would have a conniption if they heard about my situation! The only people who would have a problem with visiting Las Vegas would be someone who has never been there! Youve never met them, but that doesnt mean that they dont exist. The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of What to Expect. Spouses dont LET. Ive felt less safe in a couple of places in my own city. It was, instead, his own insecurity and abusive tendencies. I feel a sudden need to greet my husband at the door tonight and give him a big hug. In that couples case, I believe the wife was worried about being left alone at home, so the husband invited the wife to come with him on his trip, and at first she was planning to join him, but then her anxiety subsided and she decided to stay home and get together with friends in the hometown instead. And she would always schedule conferences for her small business in Vegas, for the exact reasons you listed. assigning women extra work to help them, calling out when youre in the ER, and more. Theyre out there. Where is he staying. I was /thisclose/ to emigrating to another continent at one point, tbh. He could also stand some counselling, Im sure, but you need his buy-in for that. Its a slippery slope when someone starts demanding changes to accommodate their objections to acceptable societal norms. Its been 12 years for me. I hope you go to Vegas and find love with someone who doesnt treat you like property. I probably filled up that Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom with $100 worth of water during my stay. Unless OP has a history of partying hard and getting black-out drunk (which doesnt seem to be the case), I think theres little to worry about here. On the other hand, the OP could surely use some help in setting some reasonable boundaries and communicating as effectively as possible in the circumstances. The letter writer specifically ASKED about anxiety. I say this as an anxiety disorder sufferer who becomes excessively worried when my partner travels for work, but of course I support him regardless of the fact that its stressful for me m y anxiety is on me to manage in a healthy way. Sorry not sorry. Thanks for your thoughtful self-awareness. That option smacks of trying to make OP appease her husband and HIS issues and that is icky. If he doesnt trust you, and is otherwise not riddled with anxiety, whats causing that? Also, they have very little money, so we are . This was not such a culture. is a really good sign! My partner has a fantastic story of stumbling on some kind of yakuza pre-dustup in Namba (in a Family Mart of all places). Also theres a debate up thread about if prostitution is legal in Vegas (seems to be no, but it is legal nearby). Im glad you left that loser. Most of the shows arent appealing, either, and theyre almost all too expensive. I have the same problem and have since I was a child. She thought surely I would be kidnapped in the dark parking lot. The irony is, for business trips, Vegas is essentially Disney. Ive stayed in beautiful NYC and D.C. hotels for less than $130 a night. These dudes tend to not understand how little theyre contributing in any significant fashion, and theyre shockedshocked!when the women theyre with realize whats going on and leave them. For sure gamboling DOES occur in Vegas, same as gambling :). The best parts of Vegas arent actually in town. Heres to many years of not feeling needless guilt. We're glad we did it to see it's totally do-able. My knee-jerk reaction was to say, you dont dictate where I go, I was just out for a walk, for Chrissakes. There are counties where selling alcohol is illegal. We respect everyones right to express their thoughts and opinions as long as they remain respectful of other community members, and meet What to Expects Terms of Use. However, its crucial that he recognizes his behavior as a problem and is committed to fixing it. Most of them. Also accusing someone of cheating so you have to surveil them is right out of the abuser handbook. Yes, he needs to settle down, and no, Im not suggesting she sacrifice her career because he is stressed, but it really is BOTH their problem. OP, go on the trip. We stay at mid-level resorts and usually pay about $40 a night. The main drag did not feel dangerous to me at all. Right. He may make it seem like you are choosing your career over your marriage, which of course causes you to feel guilty, but as my good friend said recently youre not choosing your career over him, youre choosing yourself over him. Im trying to take that advice to heart OP, hope you can too! Please specify a reason for deleting this reply from the community. But they are the obvious two and also both hot-button topics on this forum. Thats it. Vegas is a perfectly lovely city where people raise families and everything!! Dont even consider that risking your job is a reasonable option here your job isnt the problem. Now that we have been together longer, he has settled down and has learned to trust me. fractured ending scene; harold bornstein obituary cause of death; can you play volleyball with a torn acl; gambar teguh sugianto. And wondered aloud how he would have been if wed been together in the days I was traveling to Kosovo, Bosnia and Iraq as a newspaper reporter. Plus, I like to travel so it was a good excuse. Mmm.. I actually didnt tell her I got K&R insurance when I worked in the Philippines and had to travel to an area where nearby skirmishes were going on and kidnappings WERE a concern. At the end of the day, the big problem with his indifference is the burden it puts on you to be the functioning adult in the relationship. Yes, they pay for his airfare and, if necessary, the difference in the hotel room rate and they dont spend that much time together, but they spend *some* time together and are at least getting to see each other for some part of the day.). Or that he heard more agreement than was really being given by his friends? Him: I ignored it. I would hate to see that whatever reassurances/checking in could have a negative impact on how you are perceived in your office. Im all for giving your loved ones the name of the hotel youre staying at and checking in on a nightly basis (Ive done it myself) but if hes being controlling and/or anxious, there may be no amount of information that will be enough to assuage him. My husband gets nervous whether Im traveling for business or just about town (granted, Im not the best driver). Not the least of which is that the people involved all made that choice for themselves there was no issues of someone letting or not. If an employee told me that she wasnt able to go, that would result in me having a conversation about expectations and this is not unreasonable. What do you think of the trip? Marriage counseling is fine, but this sounds like HIS problem, and I think he needs to work on that himself if youre going to get anywhere. This is not a normal or healthy response from a spouse, and it needs to change. Sure, anxiety may be amplifying his concerns, but anxiety doesnt make a respectful, supportive, loving spouse demand that their wife refuse to attend a business trip. And then he needs to communicate that to his wife in a way that proves he understands its not his place to restrict her behaviour based on his irrational fears. In summer it doesnt really get properly dark at all, and not until after midnight.
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husband doesn t want to go on family vacation